Miss you most
by DarkSecretLove
Summary: Axel left some years ago and Roxas is facing another lonely christmas... or maybe he doesn't? Slight yaoi.


_Author's note: a little late, but I wanted to upload it anyway. _

_Warning: Slightest little bit of Yaoi, don't like, don't read. _

_Used song: Miss you most by Mariah Carey_

Miss you most

I sighed deep as I walked down the streets to our house, the house I shared with Demyx, Zexion, Riku and my cousin Sora. The house I used to share with my love, Axel.  
I sighed again, would this feeling of wanting him back ever fade? I made my way through the thin layer of snow on the pavement, recalling memories of highshool, when we used to throw snowballs at each other and just have fun. Well, recalling… they came back every time, if I wanted them or not. Then I bumped into someone and looked up.  
'Sorry…' I whispered, not knowing who I bumped into.  
'That's okay, Roxas. So what are you and Sora going to do for Christmas? Stay at home with all your friends?' I recognised one of the older ladies that lived close to us. I gave her a fake smile.  
'Yeah, we'll stay at home and just enjoy each others presents, give some presents to each other and make a great dinner I suppose.' She smiled back at me.  
'Good for you, Merry Christmas, Roxas!'  
'Merry Christmas to you too, Mrs. Davies.'  
'Thanks a lot, Roxas, now get inside quickly before you catch a cold!' Chuckling lightly I walked up the path to the front door, watching Sora and Riku trying desperately to get some Christmas lights on their place, while Demyx was making hot chocolate or something.  
I just got back from doing my Christmas shopping. I preferred to do this alone, although the others kept asking me if they shouldn't come along. As every year since he left, I got Axel a present as well, just like I got the others one.  
December is one of the most depressing months of the year, if you ask me. Everybody is being all happy and jumpy and cosy together with their loved ones, being in love and giving presents…

_The fire is burning  
The room's all aglow  
Outside the December wind blows  
Away in the distance  
The carolers sing in the snow  
Everybody's laughing  
The world is celebrating  
And everyone's so happy  
Except for me tonight  
Because...  
_

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my housemates one by one, Sora mostly because he's my cousin, but I just miss my one big love…  
Although he has been gone for… how long? How many Christmasses have past since he left? Three? Maybe even four… I lost count.  
How can Christmas be fun if your love is… anywhere but by your side? I have truly no idea where he is… all I know is that I miss him.

_I miss you  
Most at Christmas time  
And I can't get you  
Get you off my mind  
Every other season comes along  
And I'm all right  
But then I miss you  
Most at Christmas time  
_

When I opened the door, a warm Sora jumped on me and hugged me.  
'Did you succeed with the presents?' I slightly nodded.  
'Good. You can place them under the tree later today, along with the other presents. Do you want some hot chocolate? Or do you prefer tea? Or something else maybe? Coffee?'  
That's what I mean, Sora absolutely loves Christmas and he's the most hyperactive one in the whole house during the holidays.  
'No thanks Sora, I would just like to spend some time alone, thanks.' A little disappointed Sora went back to save Riku from the lights.  
I hung away my coat and walked up the stairs.

_I gaze out the window  
This cold winters' night  
At all of the twinkling lights  
Alone in the darkness  
Remembering when you were mine  
Everybody's smiling  
The whole world is rejoicing  
And everyone's embracing  
Except for you and I  
Baby..._

I closed my door behind me and fell down at the bed. With a deep sigh I tried to relax my shoulders, and failing in that attempt.  
When I heard a loud shriek -probably coming from Riku- and a lot of laughing afterwards (caused by Zexion and Demyx) I assumed that Riku got stuck in the lights and somehow managed to strangle himself with them or something. A small smile formed itself on my lips, to fade soon after.  
Slowly I lost my ability to think straight and fell asleep.  
When I woke up again, I noticed that it was dark outside, not that that said that much, it got dark pretty early since a while. I sat down in the windowsill, looking out over the street, watching people hurry back home in the cold snowy weather, the cold winter wind blowing the snow off the street and into the air. A lot of the houses were decorated with small lights, Christmas trees and other cosy, warm things that belong to the December month.

_I miss you  
Most at Christmas time  
And I can't get you  
Get you off my mind  
Every other season comes along  
And I'm all right  
But then I miss you  
Most at Christmas time_

When I heard a soft knock on my door I turn around and saw Sora open it.  
'Are you okay?' He asked gently.  
'Yeah, I'm okay… as much as I can be okay around this time of the year.' Sora walked up to me and hugged me.  
'You'll be okay, we'll make a great Christmas this year.' I gave him a flaw smile.  
'You miss him, don't you.' I nodded.  
'Yeah…'  
'I know… this time must be the worst of all seasons…' I nodded again.  
'Sora?'  
'Yeah?'  
'Do you think he will ever come back?' Sora sat down opposite me.  
'I don't know Rox… I honestly do not know… I hope so… the house is incomplete without him…' I nodded.  
'Hey, cheer up a little Roxy… we'll make something of it this time. Riku got you a great present. I'm sure you'll like it.' Then a loud bang followed by his name being called was heard. Sora gave me a quick hug and then hurried down the stairs to Riku, the one who called his name.

_In the springtime  
Those memories start to fade  
With the April rain  
Through the summer days  
Till Autumn's leaves are gone  
I get by without you  
Till the snow begins to fall  
And then..._

My thoughts drift off to last summer and a smile appeared on my face. We went out on a holiday, all together, for about 3 weeks. We had so damn much fun… that was the first time and the last time as well that I could wear a real smile again since Axel left. Being away from the house with all the memories locked up inside did me good.  
The whole year I can manage the missing, the loneliness, the whole in my existence, but with Christmas I just can't.  
Tomorrow it would be Christmas, we would enjoy our dinner together and tell jokes, give presents and drink loads of hot chocolate.  
Tomorrow it would be our fifth Christmas without Axel.  
Tomorrow would be the loneliest day of the whole year…

_I miss you  
Most at Christmas time  
And I can't get you  
Get you off my mind  
Every other season comes along  
And I'm all right  
But then I miss you  
Most at Christmas time_

**Christmas evening.**

We just had our dinner, just finished the ice cake that Sora and Riku made and were sitting by the Christmas tree, watching how Sora opened the present Demyx had given him. With big happy eyes he took out a pair of warm winter socks.  
'Thanks, Dem, they're great!'  
'Now you won't have cold feet anymore when you crawl next to me in bed at night!' Riku replied laughing.  
A sting of loneliness shot through my heart. The tears were standing in my eyes and I walked into the kitchen for a moment, not wanting to share my tears with the others. I looked outside, into the garden. The grass, the table, the chairs, everything was covered with a thick layer of snow.  
'Rox? Are you okay?' I heard Zexion's voice ask.  
'Yeah, I guess so…' Zexion came closer and I turned around. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a close hug. A shivery sigh escaped from me and he pulled me even closer, sighing himself as well.  
'Come on, Sora grabbed a present for you…' He said after a while and I gave a flaw smile, walking back with him to the living room, to the big Christmas tree, where Demyx pulled me in a hug as well.  
After unwrapping things, what seemed to take ages, there was only one present left. Just one. It was mine. It was for Axel. The others had a hurt look in their eyes when they read the name the little label read; 'Axel'.  
I was seated next to Demyx, who pulled me into a hug again and this time I couldn't help it but shed some tears… just like the years before. Again, no Axel. Again, a lonely Christmas. Again, an empty bed waiting for me upstairs.  
Demyx was still trying to comfort me when the doorbell rang. We all looked up from our thoughts and then looked at each other. Then we looked up at the clock. It was nearly eleven in the evening… who would stop by this late? I decided that it was enough for today and that I would go upstairs and try to fall asleep in a way too cold bed.  
I was halfway the stairs when the doorbell rang again, everybody jumping up in surprise, they still hadn't opened the door...  
Zexion was the one walking up to the door and opening it, letting a lot of snow enter the house. I shivered and couldn't see who was standing in the doorway. When he took off his hoody a little , I saw some red bangs.  
Could it be?  
Was it really?  
It couldn't be!  
'A-Axel?' I heard Zexion stutter in surprise.  
'Can I go inside please?' The person asked, but I didn't recognize his voice.  
It wasn't Axel…

I decided to wait until he had revealed his head and then I would go upstairs.  
The person shivered in his thick winter jack, which he took off soon after he was inside. He hung the jack away and took off his hoody.  
O  
My  
God!  
It WAS Axel!!!  
'Axel?!' Zexion stated, surprised and shocked.  
'The one and only. Now never, ever let me stand in that cold for that long again, got it memorized?! Thank you Zexion.'  
We all remained silent for a moment, Sora safe in the arms of Riku, looking somewhat afraid, Demyx, looking like he could faint at any moment.  
Then Axel noticed I wasn't around.  
'Where's…' he didn't dare to finish his sentence, afraid of the answer.  
'Roxas?' Zexion stated calmly, getting back to normal again. Axel nodded, afraid of this sudden change in Zexion's behavior.  
'He's upstairs. Probably crying, feeling horrible for another lonely Christmas. Another Christmas with you not showing up. Another Christmas with one last present under the Christmas tree with a label saying Axel.' Axel was nearly shrinking under these words.  
'Does he still…'  
'No, he sleeps in your room. Uses the shirts you left as pj's, cries himself to sleep nearly every night I bet.' Demyx suddenly got into the conversation.

By now I couldn't stand their behavior anymore, Axel was here, so what did that all matter?  
I did know they were right, he was an asshole for suddenly leaving me, us, without telling where he would go, if he would ever return… and now, after five years and a day, suddenly he's there again.  
I ran down the stairs, into the hallway and into Axel's arms.  
'What the-' Axel looked down at me, I felt his green eyes piercing in my head.  
'Roxas!' He yelled and wrapped his arms around me.

How long had I been waiting for this moment? How long had I been dreaming about it, fantasize about it, longing to it… every single day he had been gone.  
'Rox, my dearest Roxy…' Was the first thing Axel said after a few minutes. I felt a hot drop fall on my arm, a tear drop.  
After what seemed forever Axel let go of me.  
'I got you a present…' He turned around to his bags, suitcases and other things he had with him and grabbed a big box with a big red ribbon around it.  
'Here you go Roxy… my Christmas present for you.' Carefully I grabbed it, but whatever was in there, it MOVED.  
My present, whatever it was, MOVED.  
Carefully I opened the box, with a flash of white and black jumping on me soon after, causing me to fall to the floor. I closed my eyes, as my head hit the ground pretty hard, but soon I felt a warm, soft tongue lick my cheek. I opened one eye, and found myself looking straight into the eyes of a cute little Dalmatian puppy.

'Merry Christmas.' Axel said with his usual grin on his face.


End file.
